


There's a Grace Too Powerful to Name

by kimannebb



Series: Forgiveness, Can You Imagine? [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bearded Steve Rogers, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Depressed Steve Rogers, Depression, Flirting, Hand Jobs, M/M, Massage, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Reconciliation, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:14:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26705056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimannebb/pseuds/kimannebb
Summary: After of the implosion of the Avengers, Steve follows behind Sam as Sam works on giving back to the community completely at home in his new role.  Steve doesn't know what his role is and struggles with his past decisions as he tries to find the motivation to keep moving forward.  Reaching out to Tony seems like a place to start.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Forgiveness, Can You Imagine? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069361
Comments: 18
Kudos: 95





	There's a Grace Too Powerful to Name

**Author's Note:**

> Story title is from “It’s Quiet Uptown” from the musical Hamilton
> 
> This story takes place after Civil War but before Infinity War and Endgame. I started the story right after Civil War was released but never made time to work on it. 
> 
> A big thank you to faradheia for the beta and always encouraging me. All mistakes are mine.

*

Another day, another morning Steve convinces himself to get out of bed to face the rest of the day.In those hours, he concentrates on doing good and giving back while counting down the minutes to when he can be alone again.

Each day is more of the same as he moves through his tasks routinely.Eat, sleep, run, work.

Repeat. 

Steve constantly dwells on the days leading up to when everything went to shit.Round and round he goes in his mind, dissecting the reasons behind his actions and always coming to the same conclusion.He reacted too quickly.He failed his teammates, his friends, the country.All so he could hold onto a friend.Selfish reasons. 

He loves Bucky and wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ , stand by and do nothing. He went after something for himself and it caused the end of the Avengers.More importantly, he lost his family.There’s still Sam but that is Steve being selfish again.He was afraid to go off on his own and once Sam laid out his plan, Steve convinced himself that helping others could start to fix what he’d destroyed. 

Looking back, Steve’s convinced he wasn’t right, but… He knows he’d never willingly leave Bucky, but maybe if he handled it differently maybe he would’ve been more open to the Accords or maybe listened more to Tony.

Maybe maybe maybe…

Maybe if he convinced himself he was right, he would be able to move on.But he knows he was wrong.He’s the reason his friends went to jail, or lost their careers or were badly, irrevocably hurt.His personal desires dragged his friends into a war with each other and it would never be the _right_ choice with those consequences.

Every couple of days Steve’s thoughts drift to the letter he’d sent Tony and wonders if it was enough?He focuses on thoughts about if there were moments where he could’ve chosen differently.That maybe if he had opened his mind more and really _heard_ what Rhodey had to say or had more faith in Tony or heard what Tony _didn’t_ say.

The months went by and getting up didn’t get any easier and working with Sam continued to be a juggling act between being effective and being invisible.One random day though, after returning from his morning run, he opens the phone and is dialing before he could second guess himself.He was tired of staring at the phone and fighting the need to call.

He holds his breath as it rings and exhales when it goes right to voicemail, of course it does, but Steve leaves a message.

“Tony.It’s Steve.Nothing’s wrong.I just - - I wanted to see how you were.Tell you again how sorry I am.Tell you…”He swallows the sigh he wants to make.“You know how to reach me.”

It goes on like that for months.Steve starts to look forward to the day he calls and leaves a message; he’s never nervous that Tony will pick up, knowing that he won’t.He keeps calling; keeps leaving messages that always say the same thing: it’s Steve, how are you then he mentions a way to reach out.

He’s not sure what he expected, but the ritual makes him feel better.He knows, or at least assumes that Tony is picking up the messages because the voicemail is never full and considering Steve leaves multiple messages a month, he knows he’s being heard.

And he goes on with his life.Eat, sleep, run, work.

Repeat.

* 

Steve runs a lot as he’s learned that it’s an effective way to keep Sam at arm’s length.Running tires his body but ramps up his mind.It seems like an endless loop of self examination with all his failings on display for him to pick over; but Sam seems satisfied that he’s up and out so Steve keeps running.

After waking up in the ice Steve knew that most people only saw him as Captain America: an icon, a weapon, a tool, a symbol.Very few cared to know _him_ , Steve, the man and he knows he’s somewhat to blame.He tends to block himself off from people and when he does break that habit the timing is shit.Red Skull, Aliens, secrets.Whatever the crisis, it was more important than exploring the possibility of a deeper connection with someone.He craved it but he was weary, did they want him or the symbol?

Steve finds it hard to tell and he is so tired of trying.What’s the point now?He’s an international criminal who betrayed those closest to him.Why bother.Who would want to get to know _that_ man?

Then there’s Sam.Steve’s not sure why he chooses to stay, it confuses Steve as he isn’t worthy of the devotion.So why does he?Because it’s Steve?Or because he’s Captain America?Steve’s not strong enough to leave so he’s turning a blind eye to his doubts.

After Steve liberated his team from The Raft, he didn’t know what came next.He was lost and drifting, needing a purpose when Sam sat down and told him about his idea.Sam had researched and found a place that wasn’t too far from New York or DC, with the idea that they were close enough if they were needed.Steve supported it as he may have walked away from the Avengers but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t lend a hand for the next crisis.He was more than willing to lend support but had no interest in leading.He wanted to redeem himself but Steve also wanted to be alone.It was hard to reconcile the two thoughts, so he didn’t.He just did want Sam said and pushed his way through each day.

Now that he’s a wanted fugitive, he has all time in the world.Until he’s found; or the next crisis comes to Earth.If Steve were honest with himself, he knows his presence is not a secret it’s just that no one has come looking.

That’s how they ended up owning a Community Center in the suburbs of Philadelphia.The location was perfect as it was two hours in either direction of New York or DC.They had worked continuously for weeks to clean it and brighten up the interior with a coat of paint.The colors were bright but calming and the doors had opened again within a month of their settlement. 

It was located in a two story building which they shared with a pizza shop specializing in inside out pizzas on the first floor, and a sports memorabilia place and dentist office on the second.

The general meetings take place in the largest section of the first floor.They do have two small private rooms, one which Sam uses for his office and the other for massage therapy.There are two additional medium sized rooms where people can come and be with each other.Sam’s vision is less clinical and more of a family/friends atmosphere and they furnished the rooms with mismatched chairs, couches, bean bags and tables.

Sam’s always looking for activities to have as options so they found space for a well loved, but functional, foosball table; two shelves full of puzzles and a small bookcase full of books which acts as their own little library.

There’s a sign informing all guests that the books are free and that they only ask for it to be returned when finished.They also encourage visitors to leave their favorite book in the hopes that another could enjoy it as well.

Leading up to the reopening, Steve keeps busy by painting and repairing simple items, but afterward he had no real purpose and felt restless.He attended the meetings as an observer, listening to the problems people were experiencing but found he had no words of wisdom to share.He didn’t know how to relate his past to what they went through, which just seemed so much worse for them.After just a few meetings Steve saw a pattern in the throw away comments about tired joints or aches and pains. 

He researched certifications online and enrolled in a nearby massage therapy school.In his eyes everything was taking too long, the classes were too slow or not offered frequently enough, but Steve took as many classes as quickly as he could.Then he had to complete the required hands on practice.Sam crafted a sign advertising free massages which provided plenty of people for Steve to practice.Steve took advantage of his need of less sleep and cut down the actual time it took while still satisfying all the requirements.

Steve’s vision was to provide aid to those that needed it at no charge.But he didn’t know how to advertise his services or even how the services would be received, if it was appropriate and welcomed.He and Sam decided a low key notice on the bulletin board was the best solution.It was plain, very no nonsense but it provided the necessary information.In addition to the bulletin board, they taped a few in the bathrooms and picked up plastic holders for the tables.

There were two areas where Steve conducted the massage therapy.The second floor was the main area, however if a veteran was unable to climb the stairs, Steve used a second office on the first floor.Since it was located close to the common room they decorated with sound blocking drapes along the walls.Steve pulled any additional ambience from the closet, including the table that was stored there when not in use.

Sam found a semi-retired nurse, Denny, who was willing to come in every morning from 9-12 to handle phone calls for the Center.

Denny was a great addition to their small team due to her sunny disposition.She started mentioning the masseuse they had on staff, which made Steve uncomfortable for reasons he was unable to explain, but it was affective because the appointment book started to fill up. 

Steve had been nervous that people wouldn’t make appointments or follow through with them once they knew it was _Captain America_ providing the service.Steve wasn’t hiding his identity but he wasn’t flaunting it either.He was just aware that his persona was everywhere for months, but like so many things he found in this generation, it was easily forgotten when not shoved in your face every moment. In the beginning he had hoped for a fifty/fifty chance on whether his face clicked or not for people.The actual percentage turned out to be much less because if they did recognize him, no one said a word.Like an unspoken agreement that everyone was keeping the same secret.

He grew a beard which he kept his short and neat, but once it was grown in and Steve added a baseball hat, he relaxed more as even less people stared or whispered about him.As the months rolled by, Steve took less and less care about the way he looked. He found that people avoided eye contact around the Center the more unkept he seemed; he liked that.

After months, the regulars accept him.The new visitors come to know him as the quiet, keeps to himself, massage therapist.Steve likes the anonymity.People don’t try and engage in small talk and they stopped trying to draw him into their circles. 

He likes being alone.No one expect him to make decisions. 

He even started to pulling away from Sam.Steve watched as Sam thrived at the Center.He was such a calming influence to those around him and everyone loved him.It made Steve happy to see how at home Sam was and how well the Center was providing a service to the town.

And Steve liked giving massages.He was still helping people, but on a more personal level.It allowed him just to _be_. The dim lighting and the music/sounds help Steve forget about everything on the other side of the door.He focuses all his energy on his client, what was causing them pain and how to go about relieving that pain; the focus allowed him to relax himself and not just the client.

He didn’t have to watch what he said or how he acted.No one was expecting anything from him but to make the soreness disappear.

No life and death decision to fuck up; no one’s actual life in his hands.He allowed his emotions and the weight of his past to ruin his present, now he goes through the days alone and Steve feels like he deserves it.It’s probably for the best.

*

Steve is making one last round through the reception area on the second floor space when he hears the back door click shut.He stops and listens but hears nothing out of the ordinary, however he can’t ignore the feeling that someone is there.

It’s later than normal to schedule a client but Steve has been known to accept off hours requests understanding that sometimes a person doesn’t want to be around a large group of people.He lives within walking distance, so he tries to be accommodating.But there was no one in the schedule and Steve was only here to delay going home.

Steve checks the front door one more time to confirm it’s locked and slowly walks down the hall to his right.The three rooms down this hall should be dark but one has a soft glow escaping through the cracked door.Steve’s heart beats faster as he prepares himself for whatever is on the other side of the door.

As he pushes open the door, he stops in his tracks when he finds Tony Stark sitting in the corner chair, legs crossed, scrolling through his phone.

Steve steps further into the room without taking his eyes off of Tony.

“Tony?” Steve asks softly.His arms hang by his side, and he tries to project calmness but his hands curl into involuntary fists.He doesn’t know how to interpret Tony’s appearance.

Tony swipes across the phone, flips it over and leans back in the chair and looks at Steve. “In the flesh,” he says.

“Are you here to take me in?”

To Tony’s credit he seems surprised.“No.I’m here to talk, maybe even get a massage.That’s what you do now, isn’t it?”It sounds sarcastic to Steve’s ears.

Steve bristles, his heart is racing in a fight or flight response.“Yes, among other things.What do you want?”He crosses his arms.

Tony sighs, “Now Cap, no need to go on the defensive.I’ve known where you and your merry crew have been, well most of them, for months.I’m here on my own; no one knows I’m here.Well, Friday knows.”He stops and seems to take a breath.“I came to see you.”

Steve lets out his own breath slowly and forces himself to lower his arms.The light in the room is dim in order to provide some privacy to his clients.He can see that Tony’s in dark slacks and some t-shirt; not a dapper designer suit.Steve pushes away from the wall and pulls the short stool towards him with his foot.It clangs a little as one of the wheels stick, but he moves it so he sits across from Tony, in a corner of his own, with the massage table to the left between them.

“Did you get my package?” Steve asks, knowing the answer is yes.

Tony rolls his eyes.“Yes, and you need better penmanship.The delivery guy, who was older than God, read it as Stank.Rhodey is still laughing about it.”

Steve smiles at how annoyed Tony sounds.Sam had told him what happened to Rhodey, even sharing that the fall features in his rotation of nightmares as it brought up too many parallels to Riley; watching two people fall from the sky is not easy to move past.

“How is Rhodey?” asks Steve quietly, unable to look at Tony.

Tony stops fidgeting.“Alright.Considering.He tells me to stop blaming myself.He also knows me well enough to know that isn’t going to happen.It’s my fault.It’s your fault.It shouldn’t’ve happened.”He takes a breath.“But, he’s got the best medical care and tech I can throw at him and he’s up and around.Still being a pain in the ass.So, yeah, he’s ok.He’ll never walk on his own again, but he’s alive.”

Steve nods and bows his head.“I’m glad to hear that.I’m so sorry it happened, Sam told me.”Steve stops.It’s not about him, he knows that, but he feels the incident as much as if it had been Sam that fell.

“Yeah, your boy tried to get there.We were both too slow.But I appreciated the effort.”Tony claps his hands together.“Too morbid, I want to talk about something else.You’re very punctual with your voicemails.”

Steve’s face flushes as he’s immediately embarrassed about the messages.“Wasn’t sure how else to reach out, if it was welcomed.”

Tony nods slightly.“How’s your team?” he asks.

Steve shrugs.He wants to trust Tony, that’s why he sent the cell phone and left all the messages, but he still finds it hard to let down his guard.However, Tony finally responded by seeking him out and Steve thinks that should count for something.

“They’re ok.I’m sure you know Sam’s here.”Steve starts.

Tony nods, but stays uncharacteristically silent.

“Sam found the place below us but it was run down.The vets still came but it was no place they should have to be.Sam and I bought it, fixed it up and started to get the word out that it was under new management.I got certified in massage therapy in order to be helpful.Sam oversees the mental and emotional therapy.We recently hired one full time and one part time person to help with the amount of men and women coming in.”

Steve leans forward with his elbows on his knees and fingers softly interlaced.“I don’t get recognized as often as you think.Or if they do they don’t say anything.I like it that way.”

“Must be the beard,” Tony says and strokes his own goatee. “Or the hair…”

Steve runs a self conscious hand through his hair and realizes he isn't wearing a baseball cap.His hair is longer, darker and messier.His mornings don’t include a lot of personal grooming; the alarm sounds, he showers, eats standing at the counter, and goes to the Center.He’s been adding more running to the routine as often as possible but only because he’s been having trouble sleeping.The running seems to tire his body out enough for him to sleep a handful of hours.

The silence hangs awkwardly and Steve realizes he never responded but Tony offers, “It wasn’t hard for me to find you.”

“We aren’t hiding; just aren’t advertising where we are.”Steve takes in Tony’s posture and while he seems relaxed Steve knows he’s not.His whole body seems tight, ready to snap but Steve can’t bring himself to share anything else.

Steve takes a nervous breath, pushes on his knees and stands up before walking the short distance to the other side of the room.He leans his shoulder against the wall, “What have you been doing?”

“This.That.Building legs for Rhodey.Building suits.”

He squints because the tension in Tony’s voice increases.“Is there something you know?”

Tony shakes his head, “How quickly you fall back into being Captain.No, I’ve heard nothing.Just call it a gut feeling.”Tony stands and walks toward him and the door.“You look good.It suits you.”

Steve steps forward.“How many suits?” he presses.

“Enough that even I think I have a problem,” Tony huffs.

“It was great seeing you.I’m glad you came, that you got the phone.”He balls one hand into a fist to stop the words tumbling from his mouth.

Tony nods.“Me too.Maybe I should make this a weekly thing.”

“Sure,” Steve says and he thinks it was too loud and too quick but he’s so relieved to see Tony.And Tony looks good, tired perhaps, but in one piece and as sarcastic as ever.“Same time next week?”

Smiling, Tony answers, “I already had Friday put me in as a recurring appointment.”

Steve grins and extends his hand.Tony looks at it and only pauses a moment before shaking it.“Next week then,” Tony says as he walks through the door.

He exits through the rear entrance, which is only for employees, and now evidently, Tony.Steve shakes his head still not sure what to think.

Steve scans the room and realizes they didn’t use anything that needs washing or changing so he closes the door and heads home himself. 

*

Steve wakes to the alarm and rolls over to look out the window.It’s still early, so it’s a dull brightness seeping around the shade and it only takes him two tries before he’s convincing himself to run.He quickly pees, dresses and grabs his phone and hat before jogging out the door.

As he’s settling his ear buds, a text from Sam pops up reminding him to run.He rolls his eyes and sends a thumbs-up and selects his playlist as he starts down the street.It’s been a week since Tony’s reappearance and tonight will be their second _appointment_.Steve continues to wonder why Tony reached out, what does he want?

Steve is nervous and when he thinks about it his heart flips over and his mind whirls around the why’s and if’s and how’s.He picked up the phone once to call it off before convincing himself he was being ridiculous.Even now as his feet pound on the pavement he isn’t sure if this is a good thing.How can Tony even look at him?Steve shit all over their friendship but Tony’s the one that pushed them forward; the phone calls were cowardice because if Steve truly wanted to reconcile he could have gone to Tony.

But he didn’t because he is afraid of rejection and finding out how Tony truly feels.Steve’s lost almost everything, again, and he didn’t want to give up that last piece of hope. But being apprehensive doesn’t stop him from replaying their meeting and remembering how Tony looked playing with his phone or the way they shook hands.

Steve runs harder and tries to clear his mind by focusing on the music and the rhythm of running.

It only lasts a few minutes before he’s again thinking about what it means that Tony reached out.Is there a crisis imminent?Is he here because they told him to round up all the superhero fugitives? 

If there is a problem, are they expecting him to be Captain America again?Steve sucks in a breath.Forces his feet faster.He can’t.He’s isn’t worthy of holding that mantel again, maybe ever.

He shouldn’t be handed that responsibility.Ever.Steve squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before turning the volume up trying to drown out his thoughts.The self doubt lingers though even through the wailing guitar.

*

He eats lunch with Sam because Sam makes it his job to force Steve to socialize.And Steve knows it comes from a place of caring but he’s tired of putting on an act and sometimes he just want to hide in the office and read a book.He’s tired.

But Steve doesn’t want to disappoint Sam so they go to a nearby diner, just a few blocks walking distance. 

“So, tonight there’s a card game with some of my buddies.Want to come?” Sam asks before taking a huge bite of his turkey club.

“Uh, no thanks.I have a late appointment.”

“Come after, it won’t be that late.”Sam replies and pops a chip into his mouth.

“I’m not much of a card player; plus there’s the appointment.”

Sam puts down his drink and lays one arm on top of the other and leans forward.“What time is this appointment?”

“Eight.”

“At night?”

Steve scowls.“Yes.Is that a problem?”

“No no.Just seems late for an appointment.” 

Steve doesn’t like the look in Sam’s eyes.This look means he’s reviewing all the facts and he doesn’t think it adds up.“I know.But we’re here for anyone, anytime, and this person doesn’t want to make a big deal out of things.Don’t worry, I’ll lock up.”

“I’m not worried about the Center.”

Steve nods and finds his soup very interesting.

*

Steve shoos Sam out of the Center an hour before he expects Tony to arrive.He’s sure that he and Sam would have an argument about Tony showing up suddenly under the guise of being a regular.And that the argument would drag on and things would be said that would be hard to forget.Steve wants to avoid that.He actually doesn’t have the energy to deal with that much confrontation.

He’s sitting in the front waiting area when he hears the door in the back open.Shaking his head, he stands, locks the front door and walks down the hall toward the no-longer-employee exit.

“Hey,” says Steve when he sees Tony.

Tony seems to startle before nodding.

“You know, you can use the front door.”

“Don’t want people to see me.Plus it’s more fun to use this door as it seems to bug you,”Tony smiles.

“It doesn’t,” Steve argues.

“Sure.”Tony walks past him toward the room they used the week before and Steve follows him, closing the door behind him.

Tony sits in the same chair as before, so Steve sits across from him on the rolling stool again.

After a few minutes of silence Steve breaks first, “You alright?”

“Yep!”Tony replies unconvincingly.

“Did you want a massage?”

Tony glances at the table and sits up straight as he rolls his shoulders back.In the end after a pause he shakes his head.“Not tonight.”

Steve pushes the chair back until he leans against the wall and tries not to cross his arms.He knows that may seem standoffish to Tony.He ends up laying them in his lap with his fingers interlaced.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Steve offers.

“Same shit, another day.A company is looking into Stark Industries, again, nothing we can’t handle of course.Just creates more paperwork and more meetings.All the things I hate.”

“Is it almost over?Then you can get back into the lab.”

Tony’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, “Yeah yeah, I’d rather be in the lab.”He only lasts a moment before bouncing up from the chair and pacing in the small room.

“I’ve been looking for Banner; I can’t find him.Not a surprise as he ran.I had to coax what happened with them from Natasha.It’s been a year and there’s no trace of him.It’s making me uncomfortable.”He stops and looks at Steve.“I’m afraid that Ross will find him first.”

“If you can’t find him, I don’t think Ross will.Any chance Ross is waiting for you to find him and use that?”

Tony leans against the wall furthest from Steve and seems to consider the thought.

“Ross isn’t watching as I sweep for new trackers and AI software daily.This isn’t my first time working in secret as I’m quite talented for espionage and sleight of hand.”He pauses.“Or are you worried about your location being revealed?”

He shrugs.“I’m not going to lie, so yes a little, but not… overly.I trust that you’ve taken precautions.”

Tony smiles and puts his hands in his pockets.“Natasha is a natural trainer.It’s fun to watch her make the grown men cry.”

Steve is pleased to hear that Natasha settled with Tony and the others; he wonders about other former teammates as well.In the silence that follows Steve considers the information and why Tony would share and assumes it was an olive branch, or information exchange testing the trust they’re trying to rebuild.

He ducks his head slightly and smiles before rubbing his hands together and makes eye contact.“Lang went home to his family.We’ve exchanged some emails, but I’m trying to keep my distance.”

He takes a breath, trying to force air into his lungs and watches Tony carefully as he says,“Wanda is with Barton.We thought some quiet was what she needed.I check in periodically and things are good.She has a way with the kids evidently.”

“Of course she does, she’s their age.”

Steve chuckles and says, “She’s not that young.But I get your point.”

“You should, Old Man.”Tony smirks as he returns to the chair.“No odd communications or meetings since I was here last?”

“No.Everything’s normal, although Sam is suspicious.”

“Of what?One meeting?”

Steve shrugs.“He puts clues together that should mean nothing but to him it’s something.It’s frustrating.”

“Yep, got one of those too.”Tony tilts his head against the wall and seems to look at the ceiling. 

“I think it’s because I don’t vary from my limited routine.”Steve threads his fingers together and squeezes, trying to hide the slight tremor and slow the pounding of his heart.“This time is… a change in that schedule.”

“Do you want me to not come?” Tony asks quietly.

“No.”

“Ok.Want me to change the time?”

“No.I’ll deal with Sam.I like the time, the quiet, the clandestine feeling of it all.” Steve swallows, his heart tripping over itself as he feels as though he’s revealed something.

Tony looks at him with a soft smile.“You’ll make a secret agent soon.”

“My talent for lying hasn’t improved.”

“I’ll rub off on you yet.” 

There’s a moment of silence before the room is filled with their laugher at the terrible, inadvertent, innuendo.At least Steve thinks it was inadvertent but with Tony you can never truly know.

They part shortly thereafter and Steve starts immediately anticipating the next meeting.

*

Another morning, another morning run, but this time Sam is waiting for him when he returns.

Steve’s not cynical at heart but he’s starting to think the surprise early morning visits are Sam’s way of checking in on him.To make sure he’s doing what he promised to do, which was to keep up with his running routine after an awkwardly stilted conversation where Sam seemed to barely control the urge to yell at him.

It was a couple of months ago, when Sam stopped by unannounced but Steve could admit that he wasn’t actually surprised to see Sam at his door as he’d noticed Sam watching him more and more.At that time Steve had nothing but the Center and studying; there was nothing else.No one else.He barely made small talk with Sam.He hid behind the need to study or practice, but once he was certified and taking appointments, he ran out of excuses and Sam pounced. 

Sam talked _at_ him and even though he’s reasonably sure that Sam didn’t realize it, the “talk” felt more like he was getting reprimanded.Sam had listed everything he was doing wrong to deal with the aftermath of the battle and rescue mission.Of losing Bucky again.Sam had tried to draw him out but Steve had had no interest in talking.

In the end Sam insisted that he start an exercise routine in the hope it would get him out of the house and moving.Steve agreed just to make Sam happy but he never opened up with Sam about the past.

He doesn’t need anyone. 

So he is friendly, but not too friendly; open just enough that people don’t think him standoffish.

Steve works hard for this balance and finds it exhausting.

As he gets closer to his house, he takes a deep breath and wipes the sweat from his face as he takes his front steps in one leap.

“Morning,” Sam calls out entirely too cheerful for Steve’s tastes.

“Morning.Do you need me?”

Sam’s arms are crossed as he leans against the pillar of the small porch.“Want to get lunch today?”

“It’s 7am.This couldn’t have waited?” Steve asks snidely.

“Just didn’t want you disappearing.Again.”

Steve huffs and runs a hand through his hair, feeling it fall against this head.“Sure.Let’s go to the diner.”

“You always want to go there.” 

“I like breakfast food.”

Steve expects Sam to leave but he continues to stand there looking at him, _assessing_ him.“Is there something else?I need a shower before heading in.”

Sam shakes his head but his eyes are sharp.“No, I’ll see you there and then we’ll have lunch.”

Steve forces out a chuckle he doesn’t feel.“Yes Sam.Lunch, I’ve got it.See you in a bit, and slides past Sam. 

Once inside Steve feels his lungs release.He hadn’t realized he was holding his breath, he’s not even sure he was, he just feels better with the door closed and out of Sam’s all seeing eyes.He knows that Sam cares and is worried about him but Steve doesn’t want to talk to him.He’s the reason Sam was arrested and why Sam had to move away from D.C.How can Sam be impartial? 

He can’t and he shouldn’t be.Sam just needs to let Steve figure out his own life.Which would be easier if Steve knew what he was doing.He looks in the mirror after getting out of the shower and sees the beard and hair.He shakes his head and his hair flops forward over his face.He supposes that it’s not surprising that Sam keeps looking at him. 

He runs a brush through his hair, then quickly through his beard, slaps some conditioner on it and calls it a day.No need for a trim; that’s why he likes the beard - less grooming.

Steve picks out the next clean pair of pants, a dark gray jogging pair and a black t-shirt before scarfing down a banana and a class of orange juice as he leans against the counter in his kitchen.He stands in front of his baseball hat collection, and Steve’s aware that it’s considered a collection since he has so many, and grabs a black one with the NASA insignia on it before pushing his hair back and pulling on the hat.

The hats help keep his anonymity, plus it keeps his hair out of his face as works through the day.His pace is slow as he takes in his neighborhood, which has a few rough patches, but the town has been updating and building itself up.The nearby grocery store got a facelift and a fancy new convenience store was put in.As Steve approaches the Center he realizes that he’s not looking forward to Sam’s interrogation and also that the building is in need of new paint. The iron stairs should be replaced too, although he’s not sure how to get rid of those.Painting he can do though.

The morning passes quickly as he has clients every hour.Steve likes days like this where he can concentrate on each person, give them what they need, and move on to the next issue.

As he’s washing his hands a hand clamps down on his shoulder and he jerks to the side, turns and pushes his elbow up all at the same time.His breathing is heavy as he turns to find Sam looking unhappy. 

“Ready to go?” Sam asks.

“Yeah, just washing up,” Steve pulls off a paper towel, dries his hands and tosses it in the nearby trashcan.He takes a deep breath and tries to settle his heart.

It’s less than a ten minute walk to the diner however it’s along the main street so they walk in silence, no need to try and be heard over the traffic.The hostess smiles as they walk through the door. 

“Gentleman!So nice to see you today.”She grabs two menus and two utensil bundles and shows them to a table against the windows overlooking the street.

They’ve barely settled into their booth when the waitress arrives asking about their order.Steve smiles, “I already know what I want.Three pancakes and bacon please.”

Sam hesitates and then chooses a turkey club with extra pickles. 

Without giving Sam much of a chance Steve mentions upgrading the outside of the building.“I think it’s time, other places are updating.I was thinking a dark blue, the white is too hard to keep up.”

“Yes paint is a good idea.We can look for a contractor.”

“No, I’ll do it.I have extra time, just need the equipment.”

Sam frowns at him.“Man, what are you doing?”

“You said I need to get out more.”

Sighing Sam says, “I meant for fun, not physical labor.” 

Steve gets lost in watching the cars go by.This is the reason he tries to avoid Sam, the awkward silences are painful because it wasn’t like this before.

“I’ve tried to talk to you.I’ve tried to get you to talk to someone else.But you’re hell bent on going it alone.”

“Sam, I’ve caused enough people trouble.Things need to calm down; I need to find the right motivation again.”

“Right.That’s why we’re here.Far enough away to have some freedom but close enough to move if we’re needed.But I’ve started to wonder if you’ll go when called.”

Steve shrugs, “Me too.Might depend on who calls and why.”

“You need to stop beating yourself about what happened.”

“Bad decisions were made with horrible consequences, if I didn’t pause and take stock of the situation, _that_ would be reckless.” Steve said forcefully.

The waitress arrives with their food. 

“What’s this really about Sam?”He takes a bite of his pancake.“I feel like there’s something else you want to say.”

After Sam finishes chewing he levels Steve with a look.“You almost took my arm off today and it’s not the first time.”

“You startled me.”Steve knows it’s weak.

Sam looks incredulous.“I _startled_ you.That’s what you’re goin’ with?”He pops a chip in his mouth.“I’m not forcing you to talk to someone, that didn’t work, but I’m worried about you man.You work, you run, you sleep.Do you even have hair?Haven’t seen you without a cap in weeks.You’re moving through the day; not really seeming to live it.”

Steve crosses his arms over his chest, angry.“I’m fine.I wear the hat to hide my identity, it helps with people coming in and out of the Center.I’m protecting them.”

“Them.What about me?I’m already in the thick of it and you can’t take me out.So why shut me out too?”

“Licking my wounds I suppose.”He looks out the window and squeezes his arms tighter against himself.He just wants this conversation to end.

Sam nods.“I just wish you’d talk to someone, I think it would help.You carry everything like it’s always on you.We all made decisions, it’s on _all_ of us.”

Steve hangs his head.He does know, but he also knows he’s not going to burden Sam with the guilty loop in his head. 

Sam picks up the check and shifts out of the booth.“We’ve got to head back, busy afternoon ahead of us.”

“Thanks for lunch,” Steve says softly as he follows behind Sam.

*

After lunch Steve feels twitchy all day.He pulls the hat low and keeps his chitchat to a minimum hiding behind the relaxing atmosphere that’s usually expected within a massage room.He doesn’t think anyone notices and if they do, they don’t say anything.Who would, he’s Captain America international criminal, he thinks viciously.

He still has a couple of hours before Tony arrives so Steve sits in the front room and reads a book.He likes to tell himself he’s waiting for random walk-ins but he knows the truth.His mind wanders, the book not keeping his attention and he ends up staring out the window thinking for a few moments, only to startle awake to the alarm on his phone reminding him of Tony’s arrival.

Steve gets up, locks the door and turns off the lights before walking down the hallway.He decides he doesn’t want to meet with Tony inside tonight and continues down the short hall to exit through the back door and steps out onto the small balcony. 

He moves the cooler he left earlier from against the wall to set it down between two chairs and sits in the one farthest from the stairs.He only has to wait five minutes before he hears the Iron Man armor; something he hasn’t heard in months.He’s missed it. 

He tries to ignore the way his heart triple times as the sound gets closer and then abruptly silences as Tony descends to the ground.Steve smiles, he can’t help it, and leans forward on the railing to watch Tony step out of it. 

“Don’t you think that will draw attention?” Steve calls down quietly.

“I was in meetings and was going to miss our appointment if I didn’t take the suit.”Tony climbs the stairs and looks questioningly at the beer Steve’s holding.“We staying out here?”

“Yeah.”

Tony sprawls in the chair, legs spread wide as he reaches out his hand and Steve puts a beer in it.He takes a long drink before pushing the chair back slightly and resting his feet on the railing.

Steve sits back and is amazed at how relaxed Tony seems.Soft pants, heavy metal t-shirt and hair slightly mussed from the suit.

“How do you do it?” Steve asks.

“Have it all?I know, it’s mind boggling,” Tony replies flippantly, but Steve waits and finally Tony sighs.“You know I put up a good front.”

Steve nods, “Yeah.Don’t you just want a place to be yourself?Wherever that is?”

Tony barks a laugh and drinks more of the beer.“I’m trying to.”

They sit in silence and Steve notices that the silence is different than with Sam.Sam expects something from him because even if he denies it, there’s always this image of what Steve _should_ be.With Tony he doesn’t care what Steve is, never did.From the moment they met in person he pushed Steve’s buttons to see what made him tick.Or break.And this relaxes Steve and he wants to be that for Tony too, a place Tony can be himself and Steve hopes that Tony’s comment was about their meetings and not something else.

Steve puts the empty in the cooler and takes another one.Getting drunk is not the objective but he’s trying to achieve a sense of normalcy and Steve feels it supports his idea that these meetings are like a sanctuary.

“Bucky is… frozen in Wakanda.”

Tony’s head whips toward him but the rest of his body is still.

“It was his choice,” Steve continues.“He knows he continues to be a danger while the programing is active.So we’re looking for a way to disable or delete it.”

The silence that follows is tense and Steve’s heart is beating fast as he wonders what Tony will say.This is the rather large elephant they’ve been ignoring.

Tony clears his throat.“In hindsight I shouldn’t have reacted so strongly.I’ve gone through his file, I’ve had time to think about it.Process it.See it from another angle.I know he wasn’t in control.”

“No, he wasn’t.Doesn’t make it easier to accept.”

“Well, it does actually.”Tony looks at Steve, then back down to the beer he continuously spins.“As much as I was angry at him, I was just as angry - but also hurt - at you.”

Steve sucks in a breath.He opens his mouth but Tony shakes his head, so he remains quiet.

“Rhodey, the pain in the ass, says I have to talk to you about this.I think it’s childish, who talks about their feelings?”Tony abruptly brings his legs down and turns the chair to face Steve.“As you can imagine, I don’t let a lot of people close.The team was close because of what we do.But you and I, that was different.We disliked each other on sight so when we moved past that, things were sweeter.It seems I saw us friendlier then we were.That’s why I reacted how I did.”

Steve swallows and tries to push back the tingling behind his eyes.He’s not sure how to fix this. Looking back, he doesn’t like the decisions he’d made. Perhaps they were colored by the knowledge of what happened, but he can't help but wonder that if he took the time to think before he acted, if he would have made different choices. 

Too many decisions based in feelings of the past, his fears, or what he wanted.He accepts that he was being selfish and he will be hyper aware of those feelings in the future because it seems that what he wants causes too much collateral damage.

“I… I wanted to protect you, but in hindsight I know I lied to protect him.I wanted you to help me, and if you knew, I was afraid you wouldn’t.It was selfish and I have no excuse.But I am very sorry.” 

Tony’s head is bowed, looking at the deck and Steve feels helpless. _He_ knows he thought Tony was a friend, a close one, but it seems Tony doubts that.Steve doesn’t think there’s a way for him to convince Tony because his actions say something different, which was that Bucky was more important.He is.Was. 

Steve takes off his hat and runs a hand through his hair in frustration.“You’re my friend Tony.Bucky’s my friend, but Bucky is from _before,_ there is no one else from _my_ time.And I wanted to keep that, I wanted to feel less out of place.It doesn’t mean I care about you less, he just …”

He doesn’t know how to explain the feeling he got when he thought about sharing memories with Bucky and what he was willing to sacrifice to get that back.

Bucky is one of the few people to see him as a person and not an icon, or tool, which is what everyone else sees.Bucky doesn’t care about Captain America.Of course Steve assumes that Tony doesn’t either and that’s part of the reason Steve is probably drawn to him. 

Steve looks up when he hears Tony reach toward the cooler.

“Ok.No one can understand you and you wanted to keep Elsa around.I get it.”Tony pauses and cocks his head.“Did you get that reference?”

Steve rolls his eyes.“Yes.Clint’s daughter played it, repeatedly.”

“It’s not a perfect world.”Turning serious, “Ross will come calling eventually.”

“I know.”

“What’re you going to say?”

Steve shrugs and leans back, his knees fall to the side and he rests his hands in his lap.“I’ll decide when that time comes.Meanwhile I feel like we’re doing something good here.”

Tony glances at his phone and then back up at him.“It seems you are.The enrollment has more than doubled.You and Sam make a good team.”

He swallows and nods, not liking the tone of Tony’s voice.

“I think my time is up.”Tony says and stands up, “Same time next week?”

Steve nods.“Yes.You want a massage next time?”

Tony gives him a smile that is more predatory than anything else; it makes him suck in a breath. 

“Maybe.You up for it?”

Not to be outdone, Steve stands and steps forward leaning heavily on the hand that’s grasping the railing.“Absolutely.”He quickly flicks his eyes down Tony’s body and back up, “Looking forward to it.”

Tony’s smile changes to absolute glee and he slaps Steve’s shoulder as he descends the stairs.It’s not until he’s watched the thrusters of the suit disappear in the sky that Steve realizes he didn’t flinch away from Tony’s slap.He calls that progress.

*

Steve’s sitting on the rolling seat, leaning against the wall playing Two Dots on his phone when he hears the backdoor open and a loud “Wake up, buttercup!” before the door slams shut.Steve thumbs off the phone and quickly puts it in his pocket before crossing his arms and putting an annoyed look on his face.

Tony walks in the room and pouts.“Now, don’t be like that.I called and said I was running late.”

“Friday _texted_ me.”

Tony stops and really looks at him and Steve tries to hold the pissed off look but can’t and he feels his cheeks tremble with effort before Tony’s pointing a finger at him and chuckling.

“You almost had me.Bravo.”Tony claps as he walks to his normal chair.

Before Steve can lose his nerve he asks, “Did you want a massage tonight?”

Tony looks from Steve to the table and back.“Uh, no, not tonight.”

Steve nods feeling disappointed, he hadn’t realized he was looking forward to the possibility so much.

“How’s work?” Steve asks.

Tony flexes his fingers, “Same.Pepper is fantastic, always was and continues to be so I’m trying to be better about papers and meetings.”He rolls his wrists.“It’s a slow progress”. 

“Are you still building?”

“Suits?Yes.Can’t seem to help myself.Gotta be prepared for anything.”Tony pushes back the fingers of one hand.

“Is there something wrong with your hands?”

Tony seems confused and glances down to where he continues to stretch his fingers.“My hands are sore, the work has a lot of detail.”

“Let me help you with that.”Steve offers, then plays it back in his head and he can feel his face heat.Tony just raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment and Steve grateful relaxes.

“Move your chair across from me over the table; I can help you with it.”

Tony shrugs, drags the chair over to the table and leaves his arms lay flat on the table in front of him.As Steve rolls over to the table he squirts oil into his palm, then lays the bottle to the side on the table.He picks up one of Tony’s hands feeling nervous and his heart flutters in his chest.He rubs his thumbs slowly across the middle of Tony’s palm.He does this several times before he looks up.

“What are you working on?” asks Steve softly.

Tony blinks slowly before licking his lips and saying, “Uh, tiny microchip for an arrow for Clint.To help if we ever battle evil robots again.”

Steve nods but turns his attention to the hand he’s holding.He drags the palm of his hand from Tony’s wrist through to his finger tips.He turns the hand over and repeats the motion.One more time and Tony’s hand is sufficiently covered with oil.

He takes Tony’s pinky and squeezes the tip and slowly works toward his knuckle, squeezing gently along the way.“Is the pressure ok?” he says quietly.Tony nods.Steve moves onto the next finger and repeats the squeeze and rub until he ends with the thumb.

Steve rests Tony’s hand in his left and then uses both thumbs to make circles on the back on Tony’s hand.He does everything slowly making sure not to press too hard.As he follows the fingers across the hand he struggles to find something to say.Instead he just concentrates on his task and when he arrives at the thumb he rubs the webbing hard knowing that it was bothering Tony.

His thumbs moves in tight circles on Tony’s wrist before flipping his hand over and rubbing across Tony’s palm.He starts in the center and then works toward the outside.Steve can feel the calluses along Tony’s palm below his fingers.He presses harder knowing how stiff they could be.He takes his time until he’s followed each finger to Tony’s wrist.Then he interlaces his fingers with Tony and spreads his fingers to stretch things out, he pushes up against Tony’s wrist. 

There's a loud pop in the room and Steve’s eyes dart to Tony’s.Tony clears his throat.“It’s fine,” Tony says in a gravely voice.

Steve nods and lays the hand on the table.He squirts some more oil and picks up Tony’s other hand and starts the same movements there. 

“Is it always this quiet?” Tony asks in a low voice.

“I forgot to turn on the music.It normally just plays but there were no appointments after 6 today.”

“Except me.”

Steve smiles,“Except you.”

A few minutes pass and Steve is running his thumb across Tony’s palm when Tony huffs.Steve raises his eyebrows.

“Should I be feeling that up my arm?” Tony asks.

“If I’m doing it right.”

“Well, I should say that you’re _very_ good at your job.”

Steve smiles and tries not to blush, he doesn’t want Tony to know how much he’s affecting him.He’s finishing the top of Tony’s hand and just interlocking their fingers together when Tony speaks.

“Should I be feeling this in other places?”And the way he says it is so soft and questioning, almost like he wasn’t going to say it aloud, that Steve stops and looks at Tony. And he almost sees a dare there, as though Tony is testing him. 

Steve squeezes their fingers together and pushes them up toward Tony’s wrist but never stops looking at Tony.“Sometimes that happens for people.”He drags the tip of his thumb across Tony’s palm so slowly.“You shouldn’t let it bother you.”

Tony smiles,“I’m not bothered.It’s good.”

Steve places Tony’s hand on the table and glances at the clock on the wall.Tony follows his eyes.“Looks like I may have overstayed.”

“You don’t have to go.”

“I actually have an early meeting, and god that sounds like a line, but it’s true.”Tony wipes his hands on the blanket, “Can’t let Pepper down.”

Steve bites his lip and can’t control the grin that splits his face.“Was it good for you?” he asks and then halfheartedly stifles the giggle that threatens to escape.

Tony cackles as he stands and leans on the table to get closer to Steve’s face.“The best.” Tony murmurs and backs away.

“Til next week,” Tony calls as he leaves the room.Steve yells “Yeah” after him but he can feel his face burn and his hands tremble.He should know better than to flirt with Tony.

*

Steve and Sam meet with several contractors just a few days after reaching out.By Sam’s expression this is not normal.When they were doing the inside renovations it took weeks to hear back from possible contractors.Sam thinks the word is out regarding their Center and who is involved and that’s why their messages were returned almost immediately.Steve wanted to do the painting himself but accepted that it would be more efficient to have professionals tackle the project.

Steve left the final selection of contractors to Sam seeing that he had more experience; Steve took control of the colors.Just to screw with Sam he bought a bright aqua blue, only a quart, and started painting.

He did have a different blue in mind but he just wanted to fuck with Sam.Call it pay back for watching him like a hawk and just following him around as though he’s going to break.Steve knows he’s working through things at his own pace and it would be great if Sam could give him that space.Sam needs to trust him to know what’s best and should see that he’s back to his running schedule _and_ he’s even upped the banter to try and lay Sam’s fears to rest.Steve still finds the whole song and dance exhausting though, but lately it’s been easier to keep it up.

But this paint thing is going to be great; if Steve can keep a straight face.

Steve hears footsteps on the steps and moves back to admire his aqua blue.

Sam comes to a stop immediately at the top of the stairs and there’s silence.Steve waits.He counts to five and slowly turns to look at Sam.

“What do you think?” Steve asks.He’s not sure how he doesn’t laugh at the look of utter horror on Sam’s face. 

Sam’s eyes move from him to the siding and back to him.“Have you lost your god-damn mind?!” 

He walks over to Steve and gestures with his right hand at the paint.“That is an abomination.You can’t think that using a color found at the Jersey shore is a good idea.I mean.People are coming here to find peace, not Margarittaville!!”

Steve pretends to look hurt and Sam is so worked up he misses the fact that Steve is biting his lip. 

Sam huffs and puts his hands on his hips.“Man, don’t look at me like that.It’s a nice color, just not nice for the entire fucking building.”He takes a breath and wipes his hand down his face.“Please tell me you have a second choice,” he says gently.

Steve can’t take it anymore and starts laughing.One arm rests across his stomach as his other hand covers his mouth before pointing at Sam.“You should’ve seen your face.”He says and leans against the railing continuing to laugh.

“This is a joke?”Sam takes a step back and looks at the aqua color then the cans lined up all with a steel blue color dot on the lid.“Did you just _prank_ me?”He starts laughing.“And I fell for it.Geezus Steve, I totally fell for it.”

Steve is calming down now with only a few chuckles trickling out. 

“Nice to see you laugh man, it’s been a while.”Sam says with a smile.

Steve nods, but feels like ice water was dumped on his head.He has nothing to say to that.He knows he hasn’t been the best person to hang around, he’s always there when Sam or the Center need him, but he’s always looking for an empty corner or room to hide in.Part of Steve wishes Sam didn’t point it out though because all the fun Steve felt a moment ago is now gone at the reminder that he’s falling short in Sam’s eyes. For just a second Steve contemplates telling Sam that it was Tony’s idea about the paint, but he still wants to keep his meetings and texting with Tony just for himself.

He’s also not sure how Sam would react to knowing Tony has been in contact and that Steve’s been meeting with him in secret. 

*

For Tony’s next visit he’s early, which surprises Steve as he’s still locking up the front and shutting off the lights when he hears the back door.Steve finishes his task list and reviews how he’s going to convince Tony to get a massage before heading to their room.

He’s all ready to start the convincing when Tony tells him to sit down and he picks up the bottle of oil.“Is this what you used last week?” Tony asks.

“Yes.”

“Great.I think it’s time that someone does a little something for you.So I read up about hand massages, might have practiced on Pepper, she gave me a passing grade, so it’s your turn.”

Steve is shocked and he just blinks at Tony because no one’s offered something like that before.Why would they?And Sam stopped trying to give hugs and pats on the back months ago.Steve knows that it confused and upset Sam but Steve couldn’t find a way to tell him that he just didn’t deserve the affection.His decisions cost the people he cares about so much and those decisions weren’t just about right and wrong, there was an undercurrent of selfishness that Steve can’t forget.He won’t.

“Uh, that’s not necessary.It’s supposed to be my job.”

“Yeah, tonight it’s mine.”

Tony just stares at him waiting for Steve to put his hands on the table and Steve really doesn’t think Tony will take no as an answer unless Steve comes clean and admits why he doesn’t want it.He doesn't want to talk about it so he silently admits defeat and slowly puts his arms on the table.

“That’s more like it.” Tony says but it’s quieter than before.

Tony pumps some oil into his palm, works it through his hands and then picks up one of his.Steve watches as Tony goes through most of the same motions he used the week before.Tony’s fingers are in constant motion as he rubs across his palm, sure and strong.

It feels different from this point of view. 

Steve is hypnotized as Tony’s fingers glide over his own, how Tony’s skin tone is slightly darker than his own.Tony scratches his fingernails across the palm of his hand and Steve twitches, huffs and looks up to Tony’s face.

Tony is looking down and concentrating on his task and Steve notices how relaxed Tony’s face is and that his lashes are dark against his cheek.Tony releases his hand and glances at Steve; Steve looks down, not sure what to say.Time passes but Steve has no idea how much as he’s transfixed by the feeling of Tony’s fingers gliding over his hands.

He licks his lips as Tony pumps more oil and picks up his other hand.The silence in the room is heavy and though Steve wants to fill the silence, he isn’t sure what to say.Steve feels his face heating and knows he’s flushed.He hopes the dimness in the room hides it and he keeps his eyes fixed on the table.

When Tony speaks it startles him as Steve has no idea how long the silence has been.

“So Rhodey won’t stop harping on me about my visits to you.He thinks I’m not being totally honest, I mean, who is a hundred percent honest anymore?”

“What does Rhodey think you need to say?” Steve says quietly.

Tony digs his thumb across his knuckles.“We are very similar in many ways.Or so I’m told.”

Steve makes an affirmative sound and Tony’s fingers drag across the top of his hand.

“I tried looking at events with Steve-glasses to understand you.”

Steve remains silent and waits.

“What happened wasn’t your fault.”Tony says, now just holding his hand.Steve tries to sit back and pull away but Tony tightens his grip.

Steve shakes his head.“You don't know what you’re talking about.” he says lowly through gritted teeth.He knows he could get his hand away, but he doesn’t want to drag Tony across the table.That seems extreme, so he lets himself be restrained.

“I know enough.Bad decisions were made, people got hurt.Shit happens.It’s what makes the world go round.”

Steve squints at Tony as he balls his free hand into a fist.“It wasn’t the decisions, it was the motivation.I put the welfare of one man above all else.That’s not who I am.I shouldn’t have.Rhodey can’t walk; I turned the Avengers against each other.Just like you had said,” Steve is mortified as the words just pour out of his mouth.

“I say a lot of things.Look, we all made choices.Rhodey has no regrets, he said so.And I have to believe him; I do.I’m sure Sam has said the same.We all thought we were doing what was right.”

Steve refuses to make eye contact.He concentrates on calming his breathing and tries to take deep breaths because all he wants to do is cry.Steve has come to terms with how acted and that he’s ruined everything Captain America stood for and is an outlaw.So each day he gets up and gives back, tries to be a force for good and with each passing day he likes to think he’s coming to terms with it.

He’s obviously not though because with a few words Tony’s brought it all up to the surface.If he wanted to talk about it, he’d have done so with Sam, but he doesn’t want to.He wants to keep it all to himself because that’s what he deserves. 

Steve sniffs and tries to make sure the tears don’t fall.

The thumb on his hand starts rubbing again and Tony picks up the other one and uncurls the fingers so that he’s half caressing and half rubbing both hands.“What I’m trying to say is that there’s no need to hide.People understand.They forgive.And if they can’t, then fuck’em because they’ll never comprehend the kinds of decisions we make every day.You aren’t some symbol for the masses to make good choices.You’re a man that cares about the world and tries to do good.”

Tony takes his hands away and Steve pulls them into his lap quickly, keeping his eyes down.His shoulders rise and fall with his quick breaths as Tony walks around the table and stops, “You’re a good man, always will be.Stubborn as hell though.”

Steve startles only slightly when a hand touches his head.He holds still and relaxes a fraction as fingers slide through his hair a few times. 

“Have to say, I wasn’t sure what to think about this look, but I like it.Softens you up, makes you look younger somehow, which is not fair by the way.But don’t hide too long alright?”Tony pauses then kisses the top of his head and heads toward the door.

“See ya next week Shaggy!”Tony shouts as he walks down the hall and Steve can’t help but think he’s running after such an emotional exchange. 

Steve stays though.As he hears the door shut he collapses down and rests his head on the table in front of him; all the tension gone.He takes a deep breath and the tears fall and he lets them this time.Maybe it will help.Tony didn’t impart some mystical wisdom, but he thinks hearing it from the person he hurt most helps.Maybe he just wasn’t ready to hear anything supportive until now.

He’s not sure how long he sits there until he glances at the clock and realizes almost an hour has passed.Steve sits up and bends backward slightly stretching out the kink in his back.He wipes his hands down his face before he remembers they’re covered in massage oil.Steve sighs and rolls his eyes.He grabs the table cover and wipes off his face.

It was nice to hear all those things said about _Steve_ and not Captain America.He sometimes forgets there are other people that can separate the two.

Steve strips the table bare and remakes it before throwing the laundry in the washer before exiting out the back.As he walks back home he notices the stars and how loud the crickets are.He also swears he hears the armor’s thrusters although Tony doesn’t make an appearance and Steve wonders about the possibility that Tony waited for him.

*

Sundays are always light on appointments but today Steve doesn’t have any which has left his whole day open.He decides to stay on the second floor, just in case but in the office doing paperwork.There’s not a ton, but he wants to send the check to the painters now that the Center is finished.Steve’s happy with the new look and hopes that it looks inviting.A new job posting needs to be created as they have increased the number of people utilizing the place and it warrants another set of hands.

Steve hears the door open and then Sam calling his name.He rolls his eyes before walking our into the front room.

During the last several weeks Steve has tried to look at tasks differently, to just get up in the morning instead of feeling so weighed down.He even had a few days where he succeeded.He’s still a criminal in the eyes of the government, his best friend is still frozen in Wakanda and his team is fractured.But he’s received texts and calls from them and things are good; and hearing how Tony’s group is doing Steve thinks that they should arrange a meeting.He manages a small grin to himself as he imagines a BBQ complete with lawn games.

“What’s up Sam,” says Steve as he enters the room.

Sam is flipping through a magazine left, turning at the sound of Steve’s voice and leans against the counter; Steve stops at the other end.

“No clients, right?”Sam asks, sounding very serious.

“No.” 

“How long has Tony Stark been coming here?”

Steve tenses at the amount of anger in Sam’s voice and crosses his arms, “A couple of months.”

“He’s your late Monday appointment, isn’t he?”

“You obviously know the answer. Rhodey?”

Sam pushes away from the counter and walks to the door before turning around to look at him.“Yes,Rhodey.I found out from someone not you.”

“It didn’t involve you.We’re talking…”

Sam interrupts him.“Doesn’t _involve_ me?This place is ours, these people depend on us, and now Tony knows where we are, which means Ross could know.We could lose it all.”

“Sam, Tony’s known we’ve been here since we bought it.I don’t believe we’re in danger of losing anything.”

“We have been staying under the radar.”

“Everyone knows our faces and if we truly wanted to hide, we would be hiding.Instead we made the decision to help a community.”

Sam remains quiet and Steve gives him time.

“Are you two fucking?”

Steve blinks and his face heats up.“No.What does that matter?”

“Geezus. You want to though.”

Steve says nothing.

“Man, he almost killed you.You glossed over the details but you said he went after Bucky with such hatred that the three of you barely walked away and you think he’s trustworthy?”

“We all made decisions we regret, that doesn’t mean we write the person off.He…”

“He wanted us to sign so we were _tagged_ and would be their puppets.”

Steve takes a step forward.“That’s not how it was meant to be.He was trying to protect us, thinking if we signed we’d still be autonomous but to the world we’d appear to have a leash.He thought he could make that happen.”

“That naive way of thinking would’ve gotten us all killed.”

“We’ll never know.”

“And you want to sign now?” Sam asks incredulously, he takes a few steps toward the counter before pivoting and heading toward the door again.

“No, I don't think it would work the way Tony hopes, but I don’t disagree that we need some form of structure.”

Sam shakes his head.“So what happens when Ross demands to know where we are?”

“You really think he doesn’t already know?”Steve gestures around himself to indicate the building then crosses his arms again.“What is this really about?”

“I don’t understand how you can let him waltz in here and confide in him.”

Steve hears the hurt in Sam’s voice but he has to be honest.“I couldn't talk to you Sam.And I know you mean well and that you care, but you have this idea in your head about me and I can’t live up to that.I’ll never be able to.”Sam’s shaking his head without really _hearing_ him and it makes Steve angry.

“That right there!”Steve shouts.“Is why.You can’t see past what you _think_ I am or what I mean to _you_ or what my presence means to this country.I’m just a man!One that makes mistakes and I made a huge one!I allowed personal feelings to cloud everything about the Accords and Bucky.”

He walks to the window dragging his fingers through his hair as he looks out.“Sometimes I can’t be the beacon of truth.I just want to be Steve.And you hold so much respect for the title of Captain America, that I sometimes don’t know where one stops and the other begins in your eyes.”

Steve turns around and meets Sam’s eyes which are wide with shock and sadness.“You’re a great friend who supported this idea and let me step back.You’ve been watching out for me and forcing me back into the land of the living out of pure stubbornness because it wasn’t anything I was giving back.”

“Not sure how you can see me as a great friend but also say I don’t see _you_.I’m trying not to be insulted.”Sam says, voice tight with emotion.

“That wasn’t my intention.”

“But Stark sees you?” Sam says sounding confused.

Steve shrugs.“He’s never cared about the title and I think he resented Captain America due to his father’s obsession.And then I come along and he just wanted to tear me down to prove that I’m not as perfect as Howard painted me to be.And I’m not perfect.”

“But you have feelings?!” Sam says incredulously.He leans his arms on the counter and hangs his head.“Couldn’t you have picked someone other than _Stark_?”

Steve rubs a hand down his face feeling his face heat again.“Did you have someone in mind?”

“Anyone else.Seriously.He’s a loud know it all who does whatever he wants.Plus I feel like I need to say it again, _he tried to kill you_.”

“I tried to kill him too.”At Sam’s look of disbelief, Steve continues softly never giving voice to what happened.“You don’t realize how close I came.I lost control and I almost took his head off.It was so close I have nightmares I didn’t pull the shield at the last moment.It was too close.”

“Steve…” Sam stops himself as he can see the truth on Steve’s face.

“I trust him.And just to have complete disclosure I gave him a status update on everyone. And he returned the favor.”

“Even Barnes?”

Steve nods and Sam whistles.

“I never wanted the Avengers torn apart.The team was my family and I was trying to protect everyone and I want that back.Call it selfish or stupid but that’s what I want.”Steve smiles slightly, “And Tony too.”

Sam shakes his head and grins.“Out of all the people, in all the world.”

Steve shrugs.“What made Rhodey tell you now?”

“Who the hell knows,”Sam heads for the door next to Steve.“Guess he found out about Tony’s appointments and misery needs company and all that.”

Steve reaches out and grasps Sam’s shoulder as he heads outside.“Rhodey’s known since the beginning.”

“That son of a bitch!I bet him twenty bucks he was wrong and the bastard already knew.”

“We good?” asks Steve hesitantly.

“Yeah, of course,”So Steve leans forward and hugs Sam and he can feel the hesitation before Sam hugs him back.

“I can’t believe Stark has been good for you.”Sam says as he walks out onto the balcony and Steve watches him pull out his phone as he walks down the stairs.He wonders if he’s contacting Rhodey about that bet.

*

Maybe Steve shouldn’t have kept things from Sam because the next day feels completely different.Sam isn’t squinting at him while trying to decode his mood or trying to force conversations, and Steve isn’t actively avoiding Sam.Steve decides to run across the street to Dunkin Donuts when he had a break in appointments and brings back Sam’s favorite order.The man gets _way_ too excited over a donut.

Steve still doesn’t engage the visitors in more than just small talk as he truly wants the Center to succeed and be a place where others can come and get help and he’s not sure how or if his more visible presence would be a help or hinder at this point.

He’s smoothing out the blanket on the table when he hears the back door and Tony’s footsteps in the hall. 

Tony’s already talking before he enters the room. “I’ve been telling Rhodey about our dates.He thinks I need to put all the cards on the table.” Tony blurts out as soon as he enters the room.

“How so?”

“I know how standoffish you’ve been.I don’t think I made it clear that Sam was being buddy buddy with Rhodey.And that Rhodey started to share things with me when I started coming here.”

Steve tenses.

“Calm down Cap, it’s not what you think.”

“It seems that you are _managing_ me.”Steve’s heart beat increases.

“No.I came here to build a bridge based on a letter.”Tony says and steps forward,“And many voicemails.I came because I … wanted to make things better.To make things right.” 

Steve shakes his head.“I should believe you?”He swallows and looks down.“I want to believe you.”

“Then believe me.”

“It can’t be that simple.” 

Tony shrugs, “It can be if you want it to be.”

“I want a fresh start.”Steve says and Tony stays silent, which for Steve, says so much.Tony didn’t need to share this information but he did.And on some level he knew Sam was talking with Rhodey, as just how many people is Sam able to confide in?

Steve shakes his head and rolls his shoulders.“Ok.Is there anything else?”

“uh… no,” Tony responds, but there’s a blush to his cheeks.

He smiles, he doesn’t believe Tony but something about the way he’s standing there makes Steve want to try.So he does, “Are you up for a massage?”

Tony looks surprised and glances at the table.“Sure.”

His heart races as he directs Tony to lay on the table and slips out of the room.He turns on the radio system so the rooms are filled with the soft sound of water lapping at the shores.Returning to the room, he gently knocks on the door, waiting to enter until hears Tony’s response.

As he enters, he dims the lights and notices that Tony is laying on top of the blanket and is still wearing his pants.Steve’s not sure if he’s happier with the added clothes or concerned that Tony didn’t feel comfortable enough removing them.

It doesn’t matter because he tries to approach it as he would a regular client.Tony is no regular client though and his heart continues to race in his chest.“Are you comfortable?” Steve asks softly.

Tony makes an affirmative sound and Steve pumps oil into his palm and rubs his hands together before reaching out and placing his hands on Tony’s shoulders.He notices his hands trembling slightly and hopes Tony can’t feel it.He licks his lips and presses firmly, moving his hands slowly down Tony’s back until he reaches his waist and then goes back to his shoulders.He sees Tony’s hand twitch.

Steve admits to himself that it feels odd to be touching Tony in this way.Since he and Tony starting meeting he’s thought about it a lot.Dreamed about it, daydreamed about it and made the offer to Tony so many times that Steve’s afraid it seemed weird.He knows it was weird.Tony turning up again brought feelings that Steve thought were gone, back to the surface.The weeks of meetings and continued texting has just amplified them.

He digs his thumbs into the bottom of Tony’s neck and hears a soft exhale.Shivering, Steve moves his fingers around finding sore spots; he loses himself in the rhythmic motion of his fingers sliding over Tony’s back.He presses down and moves his hands in slow circles. He uses the tops of his fingers and drags them up Tony’s back; Tony shudders.Steve rakes his fingers down until they are pushing at the base of Tony’s back; Tony groans and Steve’s hand stutters to a stop before concentrating on that area.

Steve pushes his fingers in small concentrated circles, his oil covered fingers slipping over Tony’s skin.He presses harder and Tony moans, hips shifting slightly against the table.Steve’s lips part and he gasps softly, fingers never stopping, slipping under the interfering waistband, circling.Steve can hear Tony’s shaky exhale every time his fingers dip further under the pants.He presses firmly and Tony’s hips rise to meet the pressure.Steve takes a breath to refocus and realizes his fingers are underneath Tony’s pants.Steve gasps, his heart in his throat, and quickly withdraws his hands.

“I’m…” Steve starts appalled but Tony’s very fast and one hand grasps his wrists tightly and says “Don’t.”His voice raspy. 

Tony lifts his head and leans on his right elbow while meeting Steve’s eyes.His left hand still holding tight against Steve’s wrist.

“Please don’t apologize,” Tony continues.

He tugs against the hold on his wrist and Tony releases him.Steve swallows then turns his back to the table when he sees Tony start to swing his legs to the side, sitting up.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Steve admits, mortified.“I got distracted,” he mumbles knowing the noises Tony made were his problem.

He can’t believe he lost control like that.He squeezes his eyes tight, what the hell kind of person is he?Steve’s barely aware of the sound of clothes rustling and Tony moving around.Steve wouldn’t blame him if he just left, but instead a hand grasps his.

Steve quickly turns and looks Tony in the eyes. “I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t…”

Tony squeezes his hand tightly.“Again, don’t apologize unless you didn’t mean it.I could have stopped you at anytime.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Steve says seriously.

Tony sighs.“Another thing Rhodey has been on me about is that I need to be upfront with my intentions due to you being ancient and not picking up on subtle clues or flirting.”

Steve’s heart flips over.“Flirting?”

Tony rolls his eyes and crushes his hand.“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”

“I’m joking.”Steve clears his throat.“You flirt with everyone though.”

“Ah, true, but you flirted back.”Tony leans forward slightly, “Right?”

“Yes.”Steve tries to smile and only manages a small one.

Tony nods and with one last squeeze to his hand, lets go and steps back.“Good.But I think I should go?You seem…”Tony runs a hand through his hair, which is now sticking up and waves the other around. Steve notices there’s a flush to his cheeks. 

“Same time next week?” Tony asks.

Steve nods, making an affirmative sound while watching Tony leave.

*

Steve can’t wait another week to see Tony again, so he texts Tony the next day and invites him over for dinner.Of course once the plans are set Steve starts to freak out.He even starts several texts to cancel but each time he deletes it.

Steve is unsure for most of Tuesday, but Wednesday he’s slides right into the combination of terrified excitement.Wednesdays are his busiest day and the upside is Steve is so focused that he isn’t able to agonize over dinner and having Tony in his house. 

The downside is that Steve has no plan for dinner and having Tony in his house. 

At the start of the day Steve’s last client is scheduled for 5pm however a midday call asked to come in at 6:30pm.Steve wants to deny the request and suggest a different day but he’s never said no to anyone that has reached out for help.He can’t start now.

He texts Tony to let him know he won’t be available until 8pm.

So of course his 6:30 is dragging their feet leaving, making small talk.Steve tries to be polite and not glance toward the clock, but it’s hard.Finally, when it seems like they aren’t winding down, Steve gently mentions his dinner plans.He escorts them out and rushes through the clean up and when he glimpses the clock it shows 8:20pm.

Steve steps out onto the rear balcony and realizes that it’s pouring.Raining so hard it’s bouncing off the railing and steps.He puts his hands on his hips, sighs and bows his head.He has no umbrella.Perfect.

He takes a deep breath, descends the steps and starts running.He runs because he’s late, not to save himself from getting drenched because he’s soaking wet within moments.

Steve tries to avoid puddles as best he can, but there’s so much water it’s impossible.His heart is beating hard and fast as he approaches his house and he sees Tony’s face, momentarily lit by the glare of his phone before he lowers it. 

He leaps onto his porch, skipping the three steps and stops in front of Tony’s lounging figure.“Sorry I’m late,” Steve gasps slightly out of breath.

Tony laughs and announces, “You’re wet.”

Steve huffs in amusement and digs into his pocket for his keys.

“Admit it,” Tony says as he straightens, “You wanted a cliched movie moment.I’m not gonna be your Rachel McAdams.”

Steve rolls his eyes and wipes a hand down his face.

Tony smirks as his eyes slowly travel down Steve’s body.Steve flushes as he realizes his t-shirt is stuck to his chest and his pants are pulling across his hips as he turns toward the door.He pushes his hair back in the hope it stays put.

Steve unlocks the door and motions Tony inside.Once there he shuts and locks the door before toeing off his shoes.

“I have nothing for dinner,” he says apologetically. “But I can order pizza and we can watch a movie.”

Tony grunts in an affirmative way.Steve bends to push the shoes out of the way, when he turns around Tony is staring at him.And not at his face.Steve smirks, then clears his throat to break the gaze.

Tony actually blushes and then turns away and says, “Pizza’s fine” as he looks around the room.Steve grins and isn’t sure what comes over him but he walks up behind Tony until there is barely space between them.

“What do you want… on your pizza,” he asks in a low voice he hadn’t planned.

Tony spins around and looks at him.Steve feels his face flush and he smiles before stepping back losing his nerve.“I need to change.I’ll call when I get back.”

Steve’s almost to the stairs when he hears Tony murmur, “Hate to see you go, but love to watch you leave.”He’s not sure if he’s supposed to hear Tony or not, but he did and Steve pivots and strides back to Tony.

“You keep flirting with me,” Steve says in a whisper as he grasps Tony’s t-shirt and leans towards his face.“You can be my Allie tonight.” And presses his lips to Tony’s.

Steve’s heart is racing at being so bold.He starts to worry as it takes Tony several long seconds to react to the kiss.Soon enough Tony grabs one of his wrists, as though holding him still in case he changes his mind and the other hand pulls him him down by his neck.

Their heads tip in opposite directions and they fall deeper into the kiss.Steve can feel the rain water running down his back and he shivers.Tony’s lips part and his tongue brushes across Steve’s lips. He exhales and chases after Tony’s tongue.

Tony drags his hand from his neck down his chest to grab the waistband of his pants. Steve pushes forward, opens his eyes enough to locate the wall behind Tony, and keeps pushing until Tony is pressed against it.

Steve grabs Tony’s face as he feels hands on either side of his waist pulling his body forward.He bites at Tony’s bottom lip and pulls before pressing closer and tasting as much as Tony as possible.He drags his tongue across Tony’s before coaxing it into his mouth and sucking.

Tony moans and jerks Steve’s hips toward him and Steve rubs up against Tony.He can feel how hard Tony is pressing against his wet pants; he groans and rubs his lips along Tony’s cheek panting.Tony’s head tilts to the side Steve kisses his jaw bone, right under his ear and then drags his chin down the side of Tony’s neck.A shudder goes through Tony.

Steve grins but before he can relish the reaction he caused, Tony rubs his hand across his dick and Steve moans and buries his face in Tony’s neck.He nips and licks while Tony rubs along the length of him.The wet pants are cool and sticking to him which would normally be uncomfortable but all Steve feels are Tony’s strong fingers.

His hands are on Tony’s back before gliding down into his pants to rub at the top of his ass.Tony bucks forward and their cocks press tightly together.Steve brings his hands around to Tony’s waist and leans back to meet his eyes.

Steve raises a questioning eyebrow which Tony answers with huff and eye roll before nodding.He quickly pushes the button through and pulls down the zipper before sliding his hands into Tony’s underwear before pushing it all down.

Tony’s struggling with Steve’s pants which are sticking to his hips they’re so wet.Steve smiles and puts his hands on top of Tony’s and forces the fabric down until they’re both completely exposed.

Steve blushes and brushes his hair back, which falls right back into his faces, trying to conceal his embarrassment.Tony smiles and buries his fingers in Steve’s hair and then pulls him down for a deep and wet kiss.

They come together and Steve can’t contain his loud exhale.He grasps the back of Tony’s neck and his other hand clutches that firm ass.Tony’s free hand drags down his chest before holding both their cocks together.

Tony is so hot, Steve’s not sure if it’s just the way Tony feels, or if he’s cold due to the rain, or if it’s been so long he doesn’t remember the details of what it feels like to be with someone.It doesn’t matter because Steve feels like he’s on fire everywhere they’re touching. 

He keeps kissing Tony, their tongues slide beside one another.His lips tingle from running across the stubble.

Tony’s hand squeezes them both and they groan.Steve pulls back, resting his forehead against Tony’s for a moment before bringing his hand up to his face and he stares at Tony while he licks his palm.

“Christ Steve,” Tony moans as his head thuds against the wall, eyes never leaving Steve’s.Steve smirks and hastily pushes Tony’s hand away before wrapping it around their hard cocks.A few strokes and the slide is slicker and then he feels Tony’s hand on top of his own.

Steve presses Tony harder against the wall as their hands speed up.His free hand fists Tony’s shirt and he pulls toward him even as he’s leaning closer to Tony.He kisses him, his tongue runs across Tony’s lips and into his mouth.Steve pumps his arm faster, their combined precum makeing the glide slick and smooth. 

Tony’s fist clenches in his hair and Steve’s head is pushed into Tony’s neck.Tony’s head rests against his collarbone, his harsh panting is burning against the wet shirt.

“F-faster,” Tony grunts, hips snapping forward.Steve complies.They both whine, they’re so close.Steve’s sweating where he’s pressed against Tony.Tony’s making tiny sounds each time they push against each other.

“Can, can you squeeze harder. I’m almost,” Tony cuts himself off as Steve grips tighter. 

Tony pulls Steve’s hair hard where it’s still wrapped around his fingers and Steve’s eyes close as he whimpers.“Do it again,” he begs.A shiver runs down his spine into the pit of his stomach. Tony clenches his fingers; Steve brushes his cheek along Tony’s neck, he licks the red skin before biting and sucking it into his mouth.

Tony shudders, Steve hears his name as Tony comes, his dick pulsing against his hand, come adding to the slickness.Steve sucks rhythmically at Tony’s skin, feels the hand in his hair tremble for a few moments before the fingers squeeze and pull his head away. 

The fire in his stomach lurches and he can feel his orgasm start and he tries to bury his face against Tony but Tony holds his head and won’t let him.Steve convulses once, his eyes shut and he moans long.He shivers and Tony brings him in for a kiss.The hand in his hair tucks strands behind his ear as they exchange light kisses and short swipes of their tongue.

It takes a few moments for their breathing to level out and for the shudders to stop.It’s then Steve realizes just how exposed they area, half naked, covered in water and semen just standing in his living room.His face flushes and he backs away with his head down.

Steve clears his throat to talk but he’s not sure what to say; they acted like horny teenagers.He glances up and Tony is still leaning against the wall, his hair is disheveled and his neck is raw but Steve can only stare at the large mark he left. 

“I’m going to need clothes, as I won’t sit in these,” Tony says he steps out of his shoes and then pants.He holds his clothes in front of himself like a shield.Steve chuckles as he looks ridiculous, the whole situation is ridiculous.

Steve struggles briefly with his own pants, pulling them up until he’s decent enough to walk.“Sure, no problem.”He heads for the stairs with Tony following.

As Steve finds some sweats for Tony and hands them over, Tony is smirking.“You know, I did notice the pop culture reference earlier.I’m impressed you’ve seen the movie.”

“You can thank Clint, it’s evidently a favorite of his.”Steve finds his own change of clothes and fights his way out of the wet shirt; rubbing it along his stomach to wipe some of the evidence away.Once fully dressed, he turns around to see Tony waiting.

“You ok?” Tony asks.

“Yeah,” he nods.“Yeah, I’m fine.”Tony watches him and Steve isn’t sure if Tony believes him.He is though, for the most part.He’s not sure what came over him downstairs but he’s happy that step is done.He can stop worrying about the how and when and just enjoy being with Tony and trying to figure out what this new thing is for them.“Really, I am.I’m as surprised as you, but it’s good.”Steve stops and has a crisis of faith.“It was good, right?”And is promptly mortified the words left his mouth.

“Oh yea, it was good.”But Tony’s smile is sappy and his tone kind.

Steve laughs.“I’ll order pizza, you can pick the movie.”

“Sure, I’ll be down in a minute,” Tony says before going into the bathroom.

Steve’s able to order the pizza, get the plates and drinks on the coffee table before Tony returns.Steve’s already sitting at one end of the couch which means Tony can sit wherever he wants and Steve’s very pleased when Tony sits right next to him.

Tony does something quick with the remote and selects a movie, but before it starts Steve’s phone buzzes. 

A text from Sam: _It’s great you have a date.But I don’t want to know you’re getting lucky in real time. From Rhodey, who’s gloating because he won the bet.Again.Can you make that happen in the future?_ 😞

Steve laughs loudly.He sends back “ _stop betting on my love life and I’ll see what I can do_.”

“Did you text Rhodey from the bathroom?” Steve asks.

Tony barks out a laugh.“Maybe.”

“Are you a teenager?”

“I am compared to your age pal, plus, I’m not the one that couldn’t wait until _after_ dinner for the sex.”Tony winks.Steve blushes and settles back into the sofa before Tony shifts and leans against him. 

He’s still not sure how to arrange his life or what all the right answers are, but he’s going to concentrate on the here and now.And right now some, mostly likely, cheesy movie is going to play and he’ll spend the evening with Tony and see where it goes.For the first time in a long time Steve can look toward the future and see something other than all his mistakes.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> The movie referenced is The Notebook.
> 
> Please leave a comment, as I'd love to hear from you. And if you enjoyed it please leave a kuddos :)


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